Sayla Kimber, co-founder of the Cat Adoption Foundation, on her grief over the passing of her darling Dylan

Sayla and her co-founders launched the Cat Adoption Foundation here in South Australia almost ten years ago. While she’s loved a whole lot of cats in that time, it is Dylan to whom she gave the whole of her heart. Still today, she grieves for him. He passed over three years ago. Her words, written after his death, about him, her grief, and the importance of support from family and friends, for Cat Adopiton Foundation supporters, are below:

On January 30th 2022 my beautiful big brave boy, my precious Dylan, passed away from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. After all this time, I am still in tears writing this, but I hope to pay tribute to someone who meant the world to me and maybe to bring some solace to others going through the same thing.

I rescued Dylan nine years ago with a small colony at an assisted living centre.  The handyman was intending to kill the colony and both the residents and staff were distraught, asking the rescue I volunteered for to save them. I still remember with great clarity the hot summer night I set my traps.  The cats were there, keeping their distance from me, but anxious for food – one black and white adult, three teens and a big white male.
 
The black and white adult was aggressive and growling, pushing the other cats out of the way for food – I thought they were a male tom. Hiding in the car I watched as, very quickly, that one and the three teens entered the traps. I bundled them into my car and raced home, releasing them into a crate in my spare room and racing back to reset a trap for the white kitty – he had disappeared and though I tried time and time again he never came back – I hope he found someone to care for him.
 
Back in my unit I sat in front of the crate to assess their needs.  If they were completely wild they would go the shelter, after desexing of course. But suddenly everything changed – the adult who I thought was an aggressive tom began smooching the bars of the crate right in front of me – SHE was wanting my attention and affection! This was great news – it meant she could find a loving home after her vet work – so I opened the door and she came into my arms.  Immediately alarm bells went off – her tummy was engorged with milk – she had kittens!
 
Again I raced in the car to a local vet who confirmed she had young kittens so we went back to the car park to find them.  Nowhere to be seen in the car park – and none of the staff had reported kittens – so they must be offsite – I made the decision to release mum.  It’s not an easy decision to make because we may lose her and then she’s still out on the streets having babies and her babies having babies.  But I couldn’t let her kittens starve.
 
One of the reasons I have never forgotten that night – by now it was morning – is the hilarity that ensued after I let her out! She went through a fence and I wanted to follow her to find the babies but getting over the fence wasn’t going to be easy – I knew I was going to lose her by the time I found a way – but she stopped and looked at me and waited! Honestly I was blown away – she was actually leading me to her babies!  I couldn’t believe my luck!
 
I looked around frantically for a way to get up over the fence – over by the bins was an old milk crate – I grabbed it, placed it under the fence and hoicked myself over. When I trap I have an outfit – it consists of a big pair of men’s cargo shorts I found in an op shop and a t-shirt that says “Spay a feral and save a life”. Cargo shorts have pockets where I can keep essentials so they are perfect for trapping – but they also have little flaps over the pockets with a button to seal them. 
 

And this fence had looped poles. So in my clumsy effort to throw myself over the fence, both my rear pocket flaps landed on loops and I remained suspended in the air, unable to get down to the ground or push myself up off of the loops. I swear I’m not lying when mum cat looked and me and rolled her eyes at my predicament!  She seemed to be saying “come on hurry up my babies are waiting”!

With much huffing and puffing I managed to push myself up enough to get the flaps off of the fence and landed in a heap on the ground. Mum cat stood up like “finally” and took off outside the other side of the same fence!  Luckily for me this side had a gate in it and I was fast on her tail. She deliberately led me over the road and into a driveway and disappeared out the back of the house.
 
I knocked on the door and explained the situation to the residents who eagerly led me out the back to their back yard which had a gate leading through to their rear neighbour’s yard. And their neighbour showed me under her shed where mum had three beautiful little babies! They were too far under the shed for me to reach and too small to be walking far on their own so I left my details with the neighbour.  About a week later she called me to say they had found their grandson sitting playing with the kittens so had grabbed them and they were in a box waiting for me.

I was immediately on my way and this time mum happily let me put her in a carrier.  By now the staff of the assisted living centre had told me that the three teens were also her babies from a prior litter and when I got home the whole little family were re-united.

I had decided to foster them and now they had names – mum became Smootchie because she was so affectionate and her teen daughter, her spitting image and personality, became Smootchietoo! The teen brothers were named Cutie and Dylan – Cutie was named by my daughter – and Dylan was named after another kitty I rescued and rehomed – Hendrix – but that’s a long story for another time.
 
Cutie and Dylan were more reticent than their sister – Cutie growled a lot and Dylan hid – I had released them from the crate into my foster room and they made it their own. Though very shy Dylan soon showed his true colours – after the babies had fed every night he would round them up into his tummy and cuddle them all night while they slept.  It was truly beautiful how much he loved and cared for his family.

Cutie took a lot longer to find a home – I wasn’t really looking as I knew he would be a special case – but one day at Adoption Day a lovely young couple came looking for a particular kind of cat – and I just knew Cutie might be the one. It took some settling in time and I visited him regularly at first to help him feel safe – but he’s now loving life sitting on his Dad’s lap watching TV in the evening and king of his own household!
 
At different times over the years other foster kitties came and went but about 18 months ago I was down to just three – Benji and Hope (who both have beautiful rescue stories of their own) are both submissive kitties so Dylan had become the new top cat. He was a kind and benevolent leader – the other two adored him and would do anything to be beside him. But he adored me.  And I had fallen madly in love with him.  I knew he was ready for a home, but I also knew I could not part with him.
 
He slept spooned with me at night.  He cuddled me while watching TV.  He sat on my desk while I worked.  He talked to me.  We had fun playing with the red dot laser in the evenings.  Or a toy on a stick. He had grown to a massive size – picking him up was like holding a toddler and he was happy to lay in my arms and stare into my eyes. Then the unthinkable happened.
 
July 2nd  2021 Dylan had a severe coughing fit followed by laboured breathing.  I rushed him to the vet where he was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy – a thickening of the heart wall. It’s a disease that commonly presents in middle age for cats, silently sleeping until suddenly they are harshly symptomatic.  It is fatal. The vets thought he was dying, with possibly a week to live.  But after 3 days on oxygen and some medications he was able to come home.
 
I moved my work to home, setting up an office in what used to be Dylan’s foster room. I didn’t leave the house for the first three months – thank goodness you can get anything delivered these days!
 
We worked through tablets that made him scared of me, liquids that made him froth at the mouth and finally found trans dermal medications – cream that rubbed into his ears – that worked.
 
Our time together became very precious to me – after three months I began to leave the house but only for short periods. Dylan’s favourite spot was on the bed cuddled into me – he liked to sit half on half off my tummy or tuck under my arm. His warmth against me, his weight when I picked him up, his voice when he would call me and the sound of his purr, the softness of his fur – “so soft, so pretty” I would tell him every day – these are the things I miss so much.
 

He got stronger – we played with the red dot laser – he would race around the living room, especially loving racing along the couch. The end was so sudden.  He was eating well, playing, he had gained weight – I was completely unprepared that the moment was near.
 
Late one Sunday night he began to cry loudly – worried I picked him up and he urinated without control.   I drove so fast to the vet – I thought he had a clot and could survive this – but it was not to be. He was in complete heart failure and I held him in my arms while he gently left his body.

This is so hard to write.  I cried every day for months.  I still miss him with all my heart.  My home is not the same without him.  I wanted to move house.  I have wanted to not be here at all.
 
Some people don’t understand that the loss of a companion animal can have a major effect on a person but Scientific American released an article in 2018 entitled “Why We Need To Take Pet Loss Seriously” (by Guy Winch – see the full article here - https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/why-we-need-to-take-pet-loss-seriously/#).  
It explains what an emotionally devastating experience it can be. That it can last for a long time – up to or more than a year.  And how societal mechanisms are not the same as for the loss of a person, but that social support is crucial.
 
I am blessed to have family and friends around me who completely understand what I am going through and what I need right now.  Not all of them – but most – so in my darkest moments I have people to call, people to lean on. Social media also has its benefits with pages that have like-minded people going through the same thing.  They can offer understanding and comforting words.  Look for pet loss grief support pages on Facebook – there are a few.
 

If you are going through this and need help please reach out.  It’s very real, and very difficult and you need to talk and even cry with someone empathetic.

I’ve raged against the unfairness of it, I’ve denied it to myself unable to believe it’s true.  I’ve cried oceans of tears.  I still do.  I’ve had to walk away and come back to this article many times. What I wouldn’t do for the sound of his voice and the touch of his fur one more time.

Please take a moment to send your love to one of the greatest kitty cats I’ve ever known, my beautiful angel Dylan.
 

Most of all, love the ones that are with you now.  Whether human or furry kind, spend time with them, tell them what they mean to you, make the most of every second you have together.